160 | Feeling Alive and Energized: The Key to Unlocking Your Entrepreneurial Potential with Heather Chauvin of Emotionally Uncomfortable
Feeling tired, uninspired or going through health crisis? This episode is for you!
LISTEN TO THE EPISODE HERE:
Heather and Danielle dive into her journey of starting her business after having her 3rd child, while at the same time getting a stage 4 cancer diagnosis. She shares about her experience of burnout and how she was able to coach herself back to health and balance and how that inspires the work she does today! If you are feeling tired, uninspired or are going through health challenges or major adversity, this episode is for you! You'll leave inspired and energized to take action!
Heather is a TEDx Speaker, Author of Dying To Be A Good Mother, and host of a highly loved Podcast “Emotionally Uncomfortable” with over 6 million downloads. Heather is a leadership coach who helps ‘successful’ women courageously and authentically live, work, and parent on their own terms.
Heather started her career as a social worker helping adults understand children’s behaviour. But it wasn’t until 2013 when a stage 4 cancer diagnosis pushed her to take a deeper stand for change, uncovering how cultural expectations sabotage our dreams. She has been featured in Forbes, Entrepreneur, Real Simple Magazine, Mind Body Green, Google, and more.
When Heather isn’t working, you will find her living out what she teaches which may include kayaking Alaska, snowboarding, hiking, or anything else that challenges what she believes is possible for herself (and inviting her children along the journey).
Connect with Heather Here:
Emotionally Uncomfortable Podcast
Getting Emotionally Uncomfortable
Life is uncertain. There are so many things out of your control, but your feelings are one thing you can take ownership of.
Heather implements her ETM model - Energetic Time Management to reverse engineer your feelings to experience what you WANT to feel.
Reverse Engineering Alignment
When you identify how you want to feel, you can create a life based around that feeling using things like a 10 Minute Habit. Heather, for example, needed to feel alive when she was in survival mode. She asked herself “What would an alive person do?” and her 10 minute daily habit became getting out of bed and taking a shower.
Those habits stack and help you gain momentum and they also help you identify what’s not aligned in your body, in your business and so much more.
Productivity is the New Hustle Culture
If you’re just checking lists and strategizing for the sake of productivity, you may not be experiencing alignment! Productivity alone is not the answer.
The more alive you become, the more energy you have. The more energy you have, the more you can focus.
When we look at desire first and we're using our emotions to guide us there, like that's where the magic and momentum happens.
An all or nothing mindset doesn’t serve you. Don’t do less just to do less. Don’t do more just to be more productive. Do what aligns and lights you up.
Codependency vs Accountability
When you’re making decisions and action plans for your business, check in with your alignment.
People-pleasing will only exhaust you.
The right coaches/mentors will empower you to stay aligned and offer feedback, not just tell you what to do.
Take time to establish self-trust and show up for your business and refuse to let fear guide your decisions.
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transcript
[00:00:00]
[00:00:00] Danielle Wiebe: Heather, welcome to the podcast. I'm so excited to have you here today.
[00:00:03] Heather Chauvin: I am too. Thank you, Danielle. I had you on my podcast. It was such a fun. This is How We Date in 2023. I dunno why I about dating.
[00:00:12] Meeting friends.
[00:00:13] Danielle Wiebe: Meeting friends, dating friends, meeting friends, same thing.
[00:00:16] It's funny, at the be beginning of my business I talk about this a lot on the podcast, how I would like DM people and be like, Hey wanna go for coffee? And it was just like, it was so nerve wracking and it was like, the new wanna go for coffee is wanna be on my podcast. So that's fun.
[00:00:32] I love it. So I would love for you to introduce yourself because you have such inspiring and interesting story, and I can't wait to dive into all the things, but can you tell people who you are? Tell us a little bit about your personal life and also your business. What do you do for work?
[00:00:48] Heather Chauvin: Okay, I'm gonna give everyone the tiny version.
[00:00:53] But I wrote a whole book on it. It's called Dying to Be a Good Mother, so you can go check it out anywhere books are sold. [00:01:00] Podcast emotionally uncomfortable. But when I tell my story, people like their eyes get really big and they're like, oh my gosh, tell me more. So just know that I go way deeper into this.
[00:01:10] My big aha and where, why I do the work that I do today is mothering. Motherhood cracked me open. I was 18 when I became a mother. My boys, I have three boys. They're now 18, which is a whole other can of worms when your child is the same age when you had a child, you're like, It brings up your stuff, the next level of healing opportunities.
[00:01:32] 18, 13 and 10 right now. So when I became a mom, I just remember looking at my son and thinking, I don't wanna become a statistic. I was single, I was broke. I was in a very abusive relationship and, but I was still this rebel. I was still this Miss independent and it kicked my butt into high gear.
[00:01:53] But I was living from a place of fear. My son was my purpose and I put all of my energy and identity and [00:02:00] attention around being a good mother, air quotes, good mother. So I did what I needed to do culturally and I hustled. I hustled and I moved fast and wow, did I get accolades? Pat's on the back look at you go.
[00:02:14] Put myself through university when I didn't even have a university credit. I figured out how to get in there as a mature student. I'm using air quotes cuz again, I'm always about finding the loopholes and systems and had to get government assistance to get through school. Didn't have anybody help me.
[00:02:34] And then my son started with his normal toddler behavior, and it was like, what are these big emotions, this anger, this anxiety, this overwhelm? What? I don't understand what this is. And so I was triggered and I fell in love with meditation and mindfulness, mental and emotional health, and I got a job in child protection as a social worker.
[00:02:56] Became a social worker. But, it was then [00:03:00] when I was like, oh, crap. I did what I thought the dream was, right? I went and got educated. I went and got the corporate job. I don't wanna climb this ladder. My whole physical body is saying not this.
[00:03:14] And now I'm really scared because I know I don't wanna be here for 30 years. This is out of alignment. Not only is it not lighting me up, I wanna make a bigger impact and I can't do that here because these people aren't making an impact. They're putting band-aids on the problem. And they're misunderstanding human behavior and what's going on.
[00:03:34] So I started to marry my love of seeing and understanding children, seeing and understanding human behavior, emotional intelligence. My social work background and what I didn't know was my entrepreneurial, let's make an impact, let's be a dreamer, let's be a visionary. And so I left my corporate job, signed the papers, which everyone knows is terrifying.
[00:03:57] And I'm now teaching, literally [00:04:00] started teaching meditation and mindfulness to children and parents and just actively listening what was going on. And the parents would say to me, did you fix my child? And I was like whoa. So then I started talking to the parents, then I started podcasting.
[00:04:14] It was just like the breadcrumbs, little stacks, right? One thing on top of another. But here I am, cut the safety cord of my corporate job. Now three boys in, now, married to my husband. We've been together for like 17, 16 plus years now, and I am sitting there, breastfeeding, in startup phase, not having the privilege of not working.
[00:04:40] And I am now diagnosed with a stage four cancer. My health started to deteriorate. And, when I look back there was a lot of signs and symptoms that I was in a state of burnout. I was in physical crisis and survival [00:05:00] state, and I was trying, I was trying to figure it out, but my nose was just barely above water.
[00:05:08] People would say well, you had young children, but the truth was, I was a byproduct or am a byproduct was a byproduct of modern conversations and culture for women. And not all women, but the gender roles and expectations that we give and receiving is selfish. Receiving any time or energy for ourselves.
[00:05:36] And it came to a head when my diagnosis happened. I was, this is the weird part. My oldest was around nine at that time, and, so I got into personal development when I became a parent because I didn't wanna fail, so I was like into conscious parenting and all the things, it was just the stepping stones.
[00:05:57] Nine years, Danielle. At [00:06:00] that point, like I said, I was in startup, so I had business mentors as well. I listened to podcasts before they were cool. This is like a decade ago. Books, mentors, pain mentors, thousands of dollars attending retreats before I had the money to do because I was just so committed to this.
[00:06:18] So I'm sitting there diagnosed and I'm like, okay, that was my training. Now this is the race, you got to implement the work and that is how everything was born. So emotionally uncomfortable, the name of the podcast was actually up until a year and a little bit ago, was called Mom Is In Control, which I never enjoyed that name.
[00:06:44] I wanted to drop the mom. First of all, that was really good for SEO because people were like, I need to feel in control. But I wanted to remove mom. Mother, mothering and motherhood is still a huge part of my brand. I attract a lot of professional women, [00:07:00] whether in corporate or business raising children, but I am so much more than a mother.
[00:07:05] We are so much more than mothers and in control. You wanna feel in control, but the opposite of control is feeling your feelings and being emotionally uncomfortable. So that's where I'm at now, which is helping women feel alive and energized. How do you wanna feel? What do you want to attract? And then helping them and supporting them on the actions that they need to take to get there.
[00:07:32] And reverse engineering that as well. If you want, if you have big dreams and big goals. Money, time, energy, relationships, health, connection, all the things. Cast the vision, get clear on it. Take action. Have accountability and support. Oh, you will see what you need to heal real quick. And that's, I'm just like personal development on steroids.
[00:07:54] Danielle Wiebe: Wow. Okay. Yes. I can see why you say you tell your story and then people are like, wait, what?[00:08:00] Okay. Can you bring us back a little bit to that moment of getting your diagnosis? Because I can only imagine being a mom of, then you said at that time, three,
[00:08:13] Heather Chauvin: Yep.
[00:08:13] Danielle Wiebe: You were a new mom to your third baby and you're getting this diagnosis.
[00:08:20] What were some of those feelings that came up for you? I know you said that you had been in this world of personal development and obviously, you learn all these things of, Coping and growing and having that mindset and how important that is to not only, your success, but then also to, to your health as well.
[00:08:37] What were those feelings that came up at that point and fears I can only imagine what that would've been like.
[00:08:44] Heather Chauvin: So I feel like my soul was leading me, like preparing me for that moment because I knew I wanted more. And, but I didn't understand what more was. And so my diagnosis,[00:09:00] I remember physically saying, I will never get here again.
[00:09:04] I didn't act like the victim. I know that like I'm so grateful to be alive. I've since had friends that, they fought and they did everything they could. And they're not here in their physical body anymore. And that's the uncertainty of life. Like we think if I eat this way, if I do this, I am guaranteed 100% success that I will get to this age or whatever.
[00:09:29] We think we have control, but we don't actually. So I realized that all I could do was one, take ownership for how I wanted to feel. And I remember, Of course I was afraid, I talk a about this a lot. I was terrified. At the time, Danielle La Port's book, Desire Map came out and essentially her book was just, it just came at the most beautiful time. Cause she's like, listen, it's not the thing you're after, it's the feeling.[00:10:00] Get the feeling. And everything will fall into place. And I was like, great concept, but how do I live that? So that's where I created a model that I teach, which is called E T M, energetic time management, reverse engineer how you want to feel.
[00:10:18] And there's literally a five step process that I teach. It's so simple. Your brain is gonna overcomplicate it. You can create 10 minute habits. Like it's, yeah, it's on my website. So I'm like, okay, I feel dead right now. I feel like lack of energy. How do I wanna feel? How do I wanna feel? I wanna feel alive.
[00:10:37] I wanna feel energized. So there's this story that I tell where I was at home in between treatments and I'm lying on the bathroom floor and , I'm just terrified. Like cortisol pulsing through my body, fight or flight. I'm like, I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. I'm having like a panic attack on the bathroom floor at three o'clock in the morning when [00:11:00] that's when we usually do, and the house is quiet.
[00:11:03] And I'm like, but Heather, You're not dead yet. Like self coaching started to kick him. You're not dead yet. Come here, get here, be present. I'm like, okay. I'm still alive. I'm still alive. I'm still alive. Like I'm so scared for the future, but I'm like, you're not. Don't live in the future. Live in the present.
[00:11:19] Come back. I'm trying to bring my brain back and then I'm like, okay, how do you wanna feel if you don't wanna feel dead and empty? And how do you wanna feel? I wanna feel alive. I wanna feel alive. I wanna feel alive. So I'm getting my brain. Focusing on my comfort zone, which is fear to shift into how I wanna feel, which is alive.
[00:11:38] So I'm like, I wanna feel alive. Okay, next question. What action do I need to take to feel alive? Then Danielle, fear washes over me again, and I'm like, huh. My identity doesn't know what it actually feels like to feel alive, to feel good. Because up until that [00:12:00] moment in my life and around that, I was 27 years old, 27 years old.
[00:12:04] I only knew what fear, overwhelm, fatigue, exhaustion, burnout, like highly sensitive child, highly sensitive teenager, not good enough, not academic, like having a really difficult time in school. Everything just felt hard. It wasn't easy for me. That was my identity. So I get to that point like, oh my gosh, I'm actually terrified of not knowing how to feel alive.
[00:12:30] I don't like, I know, I think say I want more money. I want more time. I want more energy. I want more ease. I want more connection, but I don't actually know how to feel these things. So that's where emotionally uncomfortable was born, because then I started going, what would a live person do? And then I had to jump into the unknown.
[00:12:48] As entrepreneurs we're very familiar with the unknown, I had to have trust and I was like, I don't have a back door here. The comfort zone, the alternative is literally death. My biggest [00:13:00] fear. So the only way out is through. So I'm gonna take actions towards how I wanna feel and yes, take actions.
[00:13:07] Cuz again, remember I'm in startup, I'm building my business at the same time, so I'm like, I still have to take strategic actions to build my business, so I'll do that. But I need energy at the same time. So I'm gonna do things that make me feel alive and like co-create and do both at the same time. So when people ask me like balance, I'm like, listen, you are ambitious if I tell you to do nothing.
[00:13:30] That is actually more detrimental. Like I don't believe in people like rest, do nothing. No, you need to figure out how to use that as your superpower, but you also need to fuel yourself while you're doing the big, scary things in your business so that you can attend to your family needs and still have a life and not feel like a robot.
[00:13:49] So then I started going, okay. Today, my checklist, my to-do list. What would an alive person do? And at that time I had nothing. I was in a crisis state, survival state, [00:14:00] so I'm like an alive person would get outta bed and take a shower. So that was day one, check, done for the day. I call it my 10 minute habit.
[00:14:07] That's what I call it now. Didn't know that was what it was. Then next day, 10 minutes, take a shower, second, 10 minute habit. Sit on the porch for 10 minutes, and I slowly had to bring myself back to life. Then once I started to gain momentum, I was like, okay, how do I wanna feel? And my word just at that time was alive or energized.
[00:14:27] It has shifted. It's fluid. It's sometimes it's adventurous, sometimes it's abundance, sometimes it's clean, clear. Sometimes it's decluttered. Who knows? But I then used this filter in my business of what is not aligned? I used it in my body, what is not aligned? I used it in my food, I used it in my relationships and that's my goal.
[00:14:49] That's my North star. I still have the revenue goals. I still have the big dreams but yeah, it has been an absolute game changer to see things through that lens.
[00:14:59] Danielle Wiebe: Wow. I [00:15:00] love that so much. Every so many things you said, I'm like, yeah.
[00:15:03] And I wanna quickly touch on the doing things that make you feel alive, because I think a lot of us are and especially as entrepreneurs, We are looking for like the thing that's gonna get us to that next level of success or of making more profit in our business, whatever those goals are.
[00:15:24] And we end up just looking, we're looking for the strategy, we're always , Searching for that thing that's just gonna tip it over so that we can experience that success. And I love that you said doing things that make you feel alive.
[00:15:36] And I, we've talked about this on podcast before about how sometimes doing things that are completely unrelated to your business, but that just get you excited and make you feel alive, like you said, or even, I think about, hobbies that we would do when we were little that we just loved and would make us feel alive.
[00:15:56] Or, I think about, for me, I love theme [00:16:00] parks. Going on a rollercoaster is like my fave. So being pregnant...
[00:16:03] Heather Chauvin: Not for me, but oh my gosh. Yeah.
[00:16:06] Danielle Wiebe: I love it. And it's so funny though because it's like a lot of the things that we loved as kids, we stopped doing as adults. Yeah. And why do you think that is?
[00:16:16] Like, why do you think that once we become adults, whether it be, I, for people who love roller coasters or hate them, or maybe it's a sport or it's dance or it's singing or playing an instrument, like why do we give those things up when we become adults and especially as entrepreneurs? Cuz I think sometimes we think if I'm not spending time in my business or if I'm not like working on things that are productive to get me to that next level, then it's a waste of time. So I would love to hear your perspective on that.
[00:16:49] Heather Chauvin: Yeah, so product productivity is the new like hustle, like they just rebranded it, I believe. Unless and also it just depends on how you're [00:17:00] defining it, but for me, productivity is when I'm like end of day, oh my gosh, that's a whole other can of worms.
[00:17:06] But let's talk about this. If I tell you that the more you, maybe not right now, cuz you're about to burst, cuz you have a baby inside of you. But if I said going on roller coasters will make you more money, you're gonna be like, great. I do things for the end goal. Because the more alive you become, the more energy you have.
[00:17:25] The more energy you have, the more you can focus. Think about the energy output required. Mental, physical, emotional. To do that new, big, scary project. If you don't have the capacity to send an email, like your cup is empty. So I had to figure out like, life taught me this, but the funny part was I wanted more connection in my parenting, like with my children, cuz I wanted to break generational patterns and I wanted to be the role model.
[00:17:59] [00:18:00] Then I wanted to stay married. Because I, that was just important to me. Then I wanted to grow, I wanted to become wildly wealthy in the sense of, so I could provide for my mother. My mother was a single mom and she lives with me now, and I'm an only child, so like I'm responsible and I'm just, I've always been the quote unquote, responsible one.
[00:18:23] That's a whole other conversation, but, Wealth, like the more. How the hell am I supposed to have capacity to do all of these things if I am just getting my value from my to-do list or the hours that I'm working? But I truly believe that when we look at desire first and we're using our emotions to guide us there, like that's where the magic happens.
[00:18:50] I see it all the time where, I'm sure you see this too. Friends and colleagues are like, I had a kick ass launch, six figures, seven figures [00:19:00] launch, not year launch. And then they're like, but then I'm in bed for the next month because I do it in a way that is not in alignment with what, how I wanna feel.
[00:19:13] And I'm like, cool. Is that sustainable? How many cycles are you gonna be able to do that? Because you can push yourself and recover. Our bodies are beautiful, but is that sustainable long term? And like, I'm like well, guess what? I can make seven figures, multi seven figures, working part-time, creating more profit in my business.
[00:19:34] I'm using that money within my corporation to grow my wealth. And my energy output is so much less because yes, I've had the lessons, I've had, whatever, but how I wanna feel is upfront and I feel like there's this like dance and fine line and conversation out there around do less. And that to me, I'm not attracted to that.
[00:19:58] I'm all about doing [00:20:00] less better, but also I will feel my feelings. If there's a new strategy that I need to implement because my big fears come up, I will process my fear and move through my fear, and I will ask for help and I will hire support to do that. And I will use my own critical thinking skills and problem solving skills to say, this doesn't work for me.
[00:20:24] I'm gonna shift this. I'm gonna pivot it a little bit rather than what's the next thing? What's the next thing? What's the next thing? I'm co-creating with myself? And I'm putting it through the lens of, is this in alignment? And we're always going to have seasons of This is a big season. This is not in alignment because I'm in a, I'm in a growth phase where I'm like pushing this boulder up the hill, but you can still take care of yourself during that time, even if it's 10 minutes a day.
[00:20:50] But then when you're in the growth, you know you're on the other side of that cycle and things are going well. You're like, you can't just like completely, you get in this [00:21:00] feaster famine cycle. So it's this all or nothing mindset where again, I've just had to learn these lessons and take responsibility for how did I get here?
[00:21:09] Is there something I didn't do? Is it the culture? Is it the industry? What works for me? And that has been a radical shift and not always comfortable to learn emotionally as uncomfortable as I would say.
[00:21:24] Danielle Wiebe: That's so good. And I really love how you explained that because I so agree with you as far as like the way that we do our work and, we talk about this a lot in our community too, about creating that momentum and then just keeping that momentum going.
[00:21:41] And it doesn't have to be, like you said, it doesn't have to be this like, okay, I'm gonna stay up till three in the morning and I'm gonna wake up at 5:00 AM and I'm gonna get no sleep for 10 days and do this big launch. And it's Yeah, if you're doing it like that, no wonder you can only do one launch a year because [00:22:00] that is extreme.
[00:22:01] But it's if you can actually, I love what you say
[00:22:04] Heather Chauvin: If you love that, like you're just like, yeah, I light up a, I light up. Oh my gosh. I love it. And you are being 100% honest with yourself, then keep it. But if anything,
[00:22:16] Danielle Wiebe: and you still have that energy and that like excitement about it.
[00:22:19] Totally. Yes. And I love how, what you're saying is like what feels in alignment and what doesn't? Because I think for each person it's different. And we all have different personalities, we all have different capacities, we all have different lifestyles, all of that. And so I think it really does come down to what works for us in not only our
[00:22:39] our capacity and that, but also our season of life too, because we're all in different seasons of life and I'm about to have a baby and so there's some things that I'm putting on pause in this moment. But I think too, this really made me think about. How we have so much uh,, pressure from the outside world of what we [00:23:00] should be doing or what is the right way to do something.
[00:23:04] And I think about that, especially when it comes to motherhood too, right? Because a lot of people have asked me like, oh, so are you gonna you know, take a full like, you know, maternity leave or like, how many months are you gonna take a year off? And it's like, no. Like I have my own business and.
[00:23:20] For me similar to you, like I work part-time and And I've built my business to a point where I have I, I do have that luxury to be able to work part-time, but that also means that I can actually jump back into work in a way that feels really aligned and exciting for me sooner than.
[00:23:40] Than maybe someone else could after, after having a baby. Because of the way that my business is structured and also just the way that I have things set up. And that doesn't mean that someone that's taking a long time off or not taking time off is wrong. It just means that is what is going to work for me.
[00:23:59] And I [00:24:00] think a lot of us try to look at what's the best way to do it or what's the right way to do it. And I think it really is different for everyone.
[00:24:09] Heather Chauvin: The good Girl syndrome.
[00:24:11] Danielle Wiebe: Or or even just people pleasing. It's like we almost, it's this weird thing where it's oh.
[00:24:16] People are expecting me to take all this time off or not take this time off. And it's just like we are looking outside of ourselves for validation. Yeah, I would love to hear your perspective on that. Cause I'm sure as you work with women, like what do you find with the people pleasing, the looking outside for validation.
[00:24:35] And how can we combat that? And actually just. Be authentically who we are and be okay with that, even if it ruffles other people's feathers.
[00:24:43] Heather Chauvin: Okay, so I'm gonna say something that feels pretty bold, so I, okay, so I live in a home, three boys, husband, two dogs. One is a female. My mother lives here, but she's also like in a separate unit, so not with us all the time.[00:25:00]
[00:25:00] I feel like I didn't know I was a feminist until I had all these boys and wrote my book. I didn't know that. I thought I was just this Miss independent because I was a rebel and I would use my voice. Somebody told me once, show up like a mediocre white man. And I was like, what? So sometimes as women, just by design how we were raised and how our brain is structured we overcomplicate, we overthink, we get in our heads and like living with all these male brains.
[00:25:39] Not that they're less than, but they just think differently. And my husband is constantly like, Oh my gosh. Like we are so simple and black and white and you're just like black and white and the whole fricking, rainbow. So there's beauty and superpowers in our brain. But there's also a lot of like [00:26:00] kryptonite and shadow.
[00:26:01] And when I say show up like a mediocre white man, when I'm marketing or when I'm doing anything in my business, I'm like, what would a mediocre white man do? And if you've ever hired, I say mediocre, I'm like making a pun. But we look at the wage gap, we look at all of that and we think, oh my God, they're better than me.
[00:26:21] No, they just take action. And most of the time they're not even qualified. And to be honest, I have hired some of these people because they've pitched me on their idea and I'm like, yeah, you said you can solve my problem. And then we work together and I'm like, this is not aligned. This is not working.
[00:26:39] Here's the thing at the bottom of all of this is deep self-trust. I have had to get to a point through very expensive lessons, financially expensive, mentally expensive, physically, emotionally, spiritually, expensive lessons.
[00:26:56] And I believe we all need these lessons. And it's like, how many times am I [00:27:00] going to learn that just because this person said I should do something this way. Means I need to do it, whether it's in mothering, whether it's my doctor, whether it's another healthcare provider, whether it is the lady who apparently know something about me and slipped into my dms or my mother-in-law or somebody else. I'm not, I'm telling you this energy that's constantly coming towards you of other people's expectations, I even get it with my clients. They're like, oh my gosh, I saw this other person doing this.
[00:27:31] You should do that too. And I'm like, okay, Heather. They mean well. But they don't run a business, nor do they know how you want to run your business. So I just, I say thank you so much for sharing. And I bless and Release. Is a constant decluttering of what is mine versus what do they, who do they want me to be?
[00:27:49] And I'm always coming back to, is this an alignment? How does this feel? And now this year I'm like, if I deeply trusted [00:28:00] myself. What decision would I make? And this is how I show up for my clients. They're like, Heather, you're so powerful. You're wise. You're this. What do you think I should do? And I'm like, listen, that's a slippery slope to codependency.
[00:28:13] I'm here to hold you accountable. But I, at the end of our time together, I want you to feel empowered, not like, you're codependent on my feedback. Tell me what you think you would do. And then I can give you feedback on that we're co-creating together and that's how I've really created my business and my life is a co-creation.
[00:28:34] I don't have all the answers, but I know I'm willing to show up and figure it out.
[00:28:38] Danielle Wiebe: Oh, that's so good. And I really appreciate that because I think that Good coaches will they give advice when it's necessary, but also allow the people that are being mentored under them to make or encourage them and challenge them to make their own decisions because often the [00:29:00] person knows what they should do next or that, like that is what is that next step.
[00:29:05] Yeah. And it's almost deciphering is there that Are they not taking action because maybe it's not aligned or are they not taking action because fear is getting in the way. They know it's the right thing, but all these fears are coming to them. So it's like almost deciphering that is so key.
[00:29:21] So thank you for sharing and ma'am, that's so good. And it's such a good reminder of just because someone that, and maybe someone that we really admire. Says something or gives advice or shares a strategy, even if we admire them, we love their business model. We, love how they parent. We can choose to take that information, filter it through our own value system, and then either bless and release it or take parts of what they say.
[00:29:52] And I think that's the beautiful thing about conversations like this is that, you know, everyone is so unique and different and I think if we [00:30:00] can just. I was talking about this I think it was yesterday I was talking to a friend about this, about how key it is to have conversations with people that disagree with us or that don't have the exact either, whether it be value system or whatever it is, than us, so that it, it really keeps us sharp and it almost helps us to get more aligned with what our value system is and what we believe because we can decipher. But if we're only hearing like one side of things or we're not allowing ourselves to be challenged by things, then we're not growing either. So I think there's definitely like a balance there of having conversations and listening to people that maybe we really, like you said, we can choose to hear that and bless it and release it or take a portion of that and implement it.
[00:30:53] Heather Chauvin: I'll tell you from that, because I do go through this lens of like, how do you wanna feel? I have [00:31:00] had to learn, especially like in 2020 how to, I am wide open for diversity and diverse conversations. But if it is not done in a respectful way, I no longer want to be involved. I'm no longer here for that. So you can uh, disagree with me. You can even be angry, but if there's no mutual respect underlined, and I can feel that from you. I am done with the conversation.
[00:31:30] And so it's like you can be so triggered by my view, but if you can't manage your own fear, own anger around it, you gotta go deal with that before you reenter this conversation. And that is a skill that I teach people when it comes to relationships in their home, relationships with your team, relationships with clients.
[00:31:55] Hey, I can see you're really triggered right now. I would love to have this [00:32:00] conversation with you when we're both like back in what I call our green zone. Because that's aligned with how I wanna feel. Oh, you can't have that conversation with me right now. Cool. Let's start tomorrow.
[00:32:11] Let's do it next week. I'm out. That is a boundary that I am here for. And to circle back, I know we're like wrapping up, but to circle back on the, parental leave, you get to say this feels aligned right now. And then baby comes and you're like, oh, that's not happening. We get to be fluid and flexible and change our mind and create a plan and then pivot our plan.
[00:32:37] But I will tell you, my work gave me life. When I was diagnosed, although I did not have the financial privilege not to work, because that's also like a cultural thing of everyone hates their job, so we need leave from our job. But not when you have work aligned with what you love.
[00:32:56] Work was a bucket of my life that I loved [00:33:00] when I was diagnosed. Everything else was pretty much in survival state, but I was so happy that I was doing something that I got value from, and so it gave me energy, it gave me life, and I think working with small children, if that is what your soul is craving.
[00:33:16] Is actually beneficial to your parenting and vice versa. If you're like, no, I'm in a season of wanting to completely disconnect, honor that as well. You get to choose what your soul is craving and what you feel you need, not this or that, and expectations, and I am this now I'm like, So done with that.
[00:33:36] I used to watch people project that crap onto me all the time. Even friends when I started my business and I had to like deep down I don't think you guys understand if I don't do this, like this is way before I got sick. I'm like, I'm gonna be divorced, depressed. Like I could see the train wreck coming.
[00:33:52] So I'm such an encourager of what works for you today? Go do that. I have no judgment on it. [00:34:00]
[00:34:00] Danielle Wiebe: Oh, it's so good. So important and just giving people the yeah, the freedom to make their own decisions. Cuz it's so funny that, even saying that, I'm like laughing at myself cuz like obviously we're all adults, we all have like our own, we all can make our own decisions, but for whatever reason we think that we still like, I love that you said like the kind of good girl mindset.
[00:34:24] Heather Chauvin: You go back to your little tiny child self.
[00:34:26] Danielle Wiebe: Totally. Ah, so good. Okay, we could definitely talk for forever, but tell people where they can find you and where they can get your resources, your podcast, all the things.
[00:34:36] Heather Chauvin: Yeah, so I hang out a lot on my podcast, emotionally uncomfortable. I even have a private podcast where I just talk about business, so it's emotionally uncomfortable, attracting profit.
[00:34:46] That is like heatherchauvin.com/profit. I. Actually, if you go to this url, Heatherchauvin.com/freegifts with an S. I [00:35:00] have all the links for private podcasts. I even have a quiz on there of like, Where to focus your energy and attention If you're feeling incredibly overwhelmed, is it boundaries?
[00:35:11] Is it time and energy balance? Is it your emotional triggers? All the things. This is deep work. So yeah, go there. I got freebies for you. Lots of resources. My book dying to Be a Good Mother. You can find it online. So good.
[00:35:24] Danielle Wiebe: Thank you so much, Heather. I so appreciate you being here. Thank you.